Shifting Cultivation

Shifting is a tiny word with a lot of meanings. It can mean changing gears in a car or changing your position to accommodate a bench mate or even changing the location of something. Shifting does not only apply to small things but also to houses. And that is what we have been doing for a long time. If I glance at the statistics, it’s 6 times in ten years…..out of which I was able to participate in only two. However, I found that the process is just the same, and the only variables are the amount of goods and their locations, and the number of people involved. This is shifting as I see it….decoded….

OK, what is needed to shift house successfully is cartons or if you prefer it crates, something that you can get from any local shopkeeper, provided you can bargain. If packers are being used, this hazard is removed as they charge you for the crates (and deliver them late). Another alternative is good old BBS (Beg, Borrow, Steal), a process that is slow but produces results. But, it is VITAL that a lot of crates be available.

The next most important thing is sellotape and a sharp cutting tool (scissors don’t work normally as the sellotape is thick…suggested device penknife). Sellotape is necessary for sealing the cartons and a cutter for both Sellotape management and unsealing. Words of caution….scratches are to be expected when attempting to cut the tape or unseal a crate...it is inevitable, so I won’t say be careful. Newspaper is a Godsend here due to its versatility. You can use newspaper to pack a lot of things such as glassware, earthenware ad other such fragile things or paintings, tubelights, aftershaves, shoes. If all else fails, a good wad of newspaper can keep a loose cupboard door in place or help to move the same. If that gets boring, there’s always the odd mosquito or cockroach to slay.

The third most important thing is raiment. Jeans and a T-shirt are best because of the large amount of mobility such a getup offers. Just think of the amount of stair climbing, crouching, lifting, crawling, bending and of course the omnipresent dust that you are going to deal with. By the way, jeans were made initially for miners so that they didn’t have to worry much about the trousers tearing or hindering mobility. So a little thing like this is right up denim’s street! Trust me….jeans are THE thing. Still didn’t convince you? (Boy you are tough to please!). How many pockets does a jeans have? 5. Just think of the stuff you could carry in them. Your own body becomes a crate. You can shift who knows how many small objects in your jeans. Phones, CD’s, small idols, knives, forks & spoons, staplers blah blah… A lot of this stuff gets overlooked.

Next, you need hands.  I mean more than the pair you have got. If 3 people tackle one room, everything in it gets cleared in half an hour tops. An important thing to remember is that too many cooks spoil the broth. Get too many guys on one thing and it takes longer to pack and longer to shift. On the other hand, shifting is strictly a team effort. Even a small house can’t be shifted alone. But, there is that old cliché that too many cooks spoil the broth. Imagine ten people trying to pack one cupboard which anyway is seldom used…..trust me, it’s a nightmare!

OK now that labor pains are over with lets move on to transport. Naturally, unless you are a guard at Sherwood Estate, you will not assume to transport furniture in your sedan. (I am not joking, that is what happened when I went to get our dining table from Sherwood). A minidor is good…preferably with a wide bed so more goods can be stashed. Your own private car is not entirely a hindrance as small things or crates can be transported in it. Say for example a few crates of books, or a trunk or your PC for that matter…

Time is of the essence. The human body can work for only so long on adrenalin after all. The longer it takes the more tired you become and you seriously don’t wanna do Swedish exercises when you are pooped. A good tactic to use is to bifurcate the packing and shifting and to not do it in one day. Split it up! Take two days to move things. Like take out the contents of the cupboards and raid out your kitchen on one day. Pack em into crates and the next day send the crates you have packed to the new location on the first trip. Trust me it works! It is important that you have energy coz the work involved is seriously backbreaking.

However, all clouds have a silver lining! It is a lotta fun pitching in and packing and a great way to burn some calories! It’s not everyday that you wanna change your residence after all! Although it is hard work, it is enjoyable. A pair of earphones tucked in your ears, Bon Jovi or AC/DC singing and your arms and legs grooving to the beats! (Do I detect a gleam in your eyes?)

Once every crate, newspaper wrapped bundle, homosapien and speck of dust has been relocated, go to the neighborhood store, get a Kitkat and take a break. The worst part is ahead of you. It’s called Unpacking. This is a time consuming process, but if done methodically, it doesn’t take that long. But, before going in for the last leg, pick up the phone and order a REAL heavy meal form a local deli. After going for days on adrenalin alone, you will need some proper energy to function. Take a long rest. It’s best if you start unpacking one day after the moving. You are fresh and some of your muscles are willing to cooperate.

Unpack the kitchen first. The stove, the larder and the utensils. Hell, a guy’s gotta eat right? Next focus on the clothes and the toiletries. If you have a lot of labor, these things can be unpacked simultaneously. Next comes the PC and the in house library.

In general, things have been dumped here and there, so a bit of muscle power is needed to move the furniture around. Once you have the skeleton of a room settled, start the fleshing up and then the final layer of skin can be applied. Don’t bother cleaning before unpacking coz a lot of dust and insects have got a score to settle.

Once the crates have been disposed of, the neighbors have been met, and the house is looking as bad as it was before, you need to sit down and survey your handiwork. Then get yourself a cool drink, raise your glass and say “Here’s to peace!”

CONGRATS!! You have successfully shifted house!

PS. You BETTER call me for the house warming!