Ink

This is something I wrote on the 17th. Due to no intrnet access I am posting now 

Ink in your pen

Gives your lines life

Smoke in your lungs

Sets you on fire

From pillar to post you run

And with each breath you take

You feel more and more

Alive

Standing on the roof of your friend’s house

Passively smoking and listening

To a blues song

Or driving down the road

With no traffic for miles

Above you blue skies

Doesn't it make you wanna smile?

And aren’t tears of joy better

Than grieving ones?

The Bilge Master

Toy Land

In a corner of my room,

Tucked underneath my four poster bed,

Sits a dilapidated chest that grandmother used

To keep her bedsheets in,

When I came along, singing a song,

(And mind you I started and ended with a yawp)

I was given toys, and they were kept in that chest,

Then, I grew up and I forgot about grandmother’s chest,

But, the toys didn’t forget me,

I’m scared of my toys,

They’re alive...

The Bilge Master

Broken Wings

“It’s hard to forget,

I wish there was a solution,

Don’t spend your time in confusion

I’ll turn back now and spread

My broken wings”

I always found this song, which is the soundtrack of the anime series “Trinity Blood” to be interesting. Its appeal lay in it’s simplicity and it’s theme of moving on in spite of bad memories and mistakes.

We all make mistakes. Some mistakes are fun. Some not so much.  Some mistakes haunt us and keep haunting us as we grow up. This last category of mistakes tends to fester within us and give rise to anger. I speak from experience and from taking a few antidepressants.

The entire thing is summed up in a quote from M.A.S.H. “Anger turned inwards is depression.” I found that to be apt too.

Followers of my blog know about my dropping out and the trouble I had with a serious yet not critical depression last year and one day, I remember sitting myself down and asking myself if I was truly done with things. I mean to say at 19, was I so self satisfied that I had no loose ends to tie up or no new things to see, video games to play?

Were my parents that bad? Didn’t they teach me to read? Didn’t they introduce me to music?

It soon dawned on me that I was a fool. I was a fool to let something like a minor yet serious depression bog me down for so long.

And so, I fought back.

This post isn’t about me though. It’s about those with broken wings like mine. The people out there who have, through no fault of their own been haunted by the mistakes they made or circumstances that weren’t in their control.

Don’t worry, and don’t give up.

As Hawkeye said, (and to follow are two MASH quotes)

“Don’t let that bastard win”

And as Sherman Potter said, “The part of you that wants to hold on is stronger than the part that just wants to end it all”

The Bilge Master

Because it's a New Year!

“For last year's words belong to last year's language 
And next year's words await another voice”

T.S. Elliot

Thursday morning, 8:33 am. A blank Word document slowly filling up with these words, while a sparrow chirps in the background and a cycle bell tinkles outside.

This morning is the same as all the mornings before it. Our household help arrived at the same time, Baba shaved at the same time and hollered for breakfast at the same time.

Yet, in spite of it all; today is different. Because today is new.

Think of a ledger or a copy. When one page is finished, and even the tiny spaces between the margins are cramped up with assorted scribbles and vague song lyrics; you need to turn the page. Then you proceed to fill up the rear of that page, while some of the words are visible as marks and scars on it.

All that vanishes when you move to the right.

On the right, it’s a blank page. It’s a page that greets you without a mistake, a cross out or even a teeny tiny mark on it.

And what do you do with a blank page?

You write on it.

Happy New Year, readers.

The Bilge Master