All My Secrets

"Bury all your secrets in my skin

Come away with innocence

And leave me with my sins"

Slipknot, Snuff

Everyone has secrets. Some people have more, some less. I am the man with the most secrets. This is because people tell me their secrets. They trust me with them, like they trust banks with their gold. And I keep their secrets safely tucked away in the recesses of my mind, sometimes forgetting their face but remembering their secret.

I have many sides to my persona, and all of them are facades. Very few people know what my real face is like. I fake it. I fake it all. I fake the smile, I fake the walk, I fake the talk. But when it comes to walking the talk, i.e. keeping something hidden, I am your man.

However, the hardest secrets to keep are my own. Sometimes I feel I can't face the demons in my head and so I keep them buried, denying myself closure from the past. This makes my secrets big. And I hate going down into the recesses of my mind, which is cluttered with information on people and find my own secret to dig out. When I do dig it out, the sight is not pleasant and neither is the smell. Fetid and rotting, it rises from the graveyard and comes to attack me. I try to defend myself by conversing with people and getting still more secrets, hoping that the red in my ledger will get lost amidst the swirling mass.

But it doesn't. The question marks are still there. The unanswered questions, the confusion. It's all there. My sin. The sin I have been running from and keeping secret. It's time for that to end. I have got blank pages to fill with writing that comes from within.

I'm tired of keeping secrets. I would rather set down the burden and move on to greener pastures . One day, someone will inherit my secrets and the ones from others as well. On that day, I shall be free..

The Bilge Master