My Mother and To Kill a Mockingbird

 I remember my mother had a battered copy of To Kill a Mockingbird which was in three pieces due to it's age. I remember that she used to keep it in the almirah and not on a bookshelf, such was the protectiveness she had about the book. I also remember that she bought me a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird and wrote in it thus, "Gutu, this is perhaps the best thing I am giving you". 

I remember the first quote that stuck in my mind when I read To Kill a Mockingbird for the first time and it is a quote that a lot of us have quoted and tweeted and blogged about; "Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing". I was going through a massive O'Henry phase at the time so this tied in very neatly with some of O'Henry's axioms such as the line from The Pendulum where it is said of Katie that "She had become so thoroughly annealed into his life that she was like the air he breathed- necessary but scarcely noticed". So it was for me and reading and I am one of those people who carries a book in their bag to read or if I am not carrying a bag, I have books on my phone (thank you Moon+ Reader!) for emergencies.

Now, my mother bought a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird for herself one day from Starmark and she wrote in it this dedication: " To Banu, for I tried to teach" just above the title of the book and she kept it with her, by her side. 

By this time, I 'm sure you've understood two things about me and my mother. One is that we are fanatical readers and the other is that To Kill a Mockingbird is a very special tome for us, just as Exupery's The Little Prince is the Bible for my father.

Unfortunately, the edition that my mother purchased got lost and so my mother got another copy of To Kill a Mockingbird for herself that she just kept on a bookshelf. I doubt she read the book even, it was just there. As Terry Pratchett said in Soul Music, "Sometimes all you can do for someone is be there". I believe firmly that more than people, my mother preferred books. This is a trait I have inherited. I too would love to read and read and cancel meetings with friends to read. I am one of those people, sue me.

So when I lost my mother in 2021, you can well imagine that the lost and grieving child in me turned to To Kill a Mockingbird for succor. I remember that somehow the entire meaning of the book had suddenly changed for me. Bereavement has a habit of doing that to you. 

What strikes me the most about To Kill a Mockingbird, (and this comes from multiple re reads of the book) is if you can manage to see the significance of Jean Louise (Scout) Finch from the perspective of Arthur (Boo) Radley. I think this is a really interesting way to present a character, where he is a here today, gone tomorrow type of character- more legend and less man in flesh and bone, and that it was the fact that the huge number of atrocities that his family were making him suffer through was why Scout became so important to him. Although a child, Scout did for Boo what no adult had ever done- she was there in his life. Boo took that immense strength from Scout and he survived the atrocities. 

And perhaps that right there is what my mother meant when she wrote that this book was the greatest thing she was giving me.

The new copy of To Kill a Mockingbird is now mine and in it I have written: "To Ashesh, for Lopa lives on in him". 

I just hope I can carry her name forward as I go on living this life of mine.

The Bilge Master