Real or Fictional (Part Three)

This is a series I've started called Real or Fictional. Your task is to conclude at the end of reading this short excerpt about a person if that person is real or fictional. 

Abusive language is something that's bad for health if you don't know what it means. However for Sheikh Arjulam Chisti, abusive language was a mantra. Rather than busy himself with the teachings of his gurus, he would find himself inventing a (others called it stunted) vocabulary of abusive words. 

The usual suspects were there of course. The F word, the N word and so on. But there was also a regional one from Bengali which had been modified to include a banyan tree in its linguistics. 

The Rani Saiba shuddered at Sheikh Arjulam Chisti's brazen use of his custom dictionary but she could do nothing much. If she denied him the royal bed, he would go to the (bountifully stocked) harem would he not? Once there he would improve further upon his dictionary. It was a typical case of dammed either way, for Arjulam Chisti wasn't pious in the least.

Then one day, the Sheikh got word that potentially hostile Bengal rulers were at his borders. I must mention that the Sheikh despised warfare and so he chanced upon a way to end the fighting before it began.

When the envoy of the Bengalis arrived, Sheikh Arjulam Chisti invited them into the court and fed them succulent legs of mutton. He presented the envoy and his retinue with copies of a volume he called "Sheikh Arjulam Chisti Ki First Class Khisti". It contained the most creative of abusive languages based on Bengali abuse.

The envoys could not believe their eyes for here was a way to write in code and outfox other enemies. I am told an alliance has been struck up with the Sheikh and frequent coded letters using the guidebook "Sheikh Arjulam Chisti Ki First Class Khisti" is used even today!

What's that? An example you say? Well, I'll give you the principle.

Just attached "ch***a" to any word in Bengali!

Is the Sheikh Arjulam Chisti real or fictional?

The Bilge Master 

Real or Fictional (Part Two)

This is a new series I've started called Real or Fictional. At the end of this post about a person, you get to decide if the person is real or fictional!

Book clubs are a fun place to be, but they can be toxic as well. I was a little apprehensive about joining some clubs but then I suppose I was young, or simply stupid to think that some people were in book clubs for the books and not the ego masturbation!

But then came two clubs and the people who ran them. From one admin, I learnt how to run a club. I learnt not to give up and I found friends. The girl who ran this club is a dear friend, with a talent for teaching and writing.

The other club is running well and the admin asked me to help him. Even if I'm not active, I go there sometimes and discuss whatever is being discussed, thereby learning to think on my feet. 

But this guy just appeared in my life one day. He happened to have a blog and a mutual friend built a bridge for us. The friend has since then fucked off, but the two of us have a club! Yet again, something that seemed unpleasant led to something different and rewarding.

I suppose some clubs are not for me, and some clubs are where I'm born to be. 

Are these admins Real or Fictional? You decide!

The Bilge Master 

Real or Fictional: A Series (Part One)

I play a game when I'm on public transport or just waiting for someone to turn up where I look at a person next to me or in my field of vision and I try to give them a backstory. This series is going to take that spirit of creativity but the challenge is to figure out if the person exists in the real world or in the fictional world of my head! 

Here we go, then!

An old woman who lives next door. She has two children, both married and her son is in the USA. She likes to read Bengali books and the newspaper. She makes it a point to organise a Saraswati Puja in the house and chants the mantra herself. 

She's also a good cook and must have been formidable in her younger days. Since her daughter is married, I know her son in law as well as their dog, an adorable golden retriever. But I'll write about them some other time. I am usually the one she calls upon if she needs to send an image on WhatsApp or if she wants to treat me to something she just made.

She also gifts me a kurta or t shirt during the Pujas and invites me to lunch on my birthday and inevitably there's a book waiting for me when I show up!

I was fortunate to know her husband as well, he was a man of few words but he was always someone who was kind to me. 

It's very rare finding a neighbour like this in today's day and age and I hope I learn a few more things from her as we move forward.

Real? Fictional? You decide! 

The Bilge Master 

Rambling On About One Piece

I seem to be sharing some morbid posts now and then so this time I'm just gonna talk about this sudden encounter with a fictional character and how much he speaks to me on multiple levels. 

I'm sure many of you know the name Oda (Oda Sensei to some) and his ongoing work, "One Piece". It's the story of Monkey D Luffy, the man who ate the Gum-Gum Devil Fruit and now is elastic. He dreams of being the King of Pirates and on his journey he's got some really interesting characters tagging along. 

The character that has struck me hardest is Roronara Zoro, a bounty hunter skilled in the Three Sword Style of fighting. He's a tough cookie but one of the most outstanding characters put to paper (and in this case image). 

Since he made Luffy his captain, his honor is bound to Luffy and even though Luffy gets in strange situations, there is a certain trust Zoro has in him. He's the one person who always sees the good Luffy tries to do in the world and thus he is always with Luffy. 

I have of course just started my journey and have 1000 episodes left but the prospect of spending 1000 episodes with Roronara Zoro and the other straw hats is something I'm looking forward to.

Which character in One Piece speaks to you? Let me know!

The Bilge Master 

The Act of Letting Go

"You only miss the sun when it starts to snow 

Only know you love her when you let her go" 

~Passenger 

If you'd told me a few years back that I would be writing this article, I'd have slapped you across the face and told you to fuck off. I guess when I look back at that rage filled man, I want to give him a hug and just tell him that I'm him too, I'm him and I'm going to be okay. 

The thing is, I've never known peace you see. It was either my mother or my father or a family member or a teacher or a mentor or a "well wisher" messing with my peace. This lack of peace continued until I got out of college, even after my mother died and well into the tail end of my 20s, with many people registering shock that instead of mourning my mother I was writing bad things about her and not forgiving her. Nobody understood the pain I was in, the pain she had caused me and the love she had rejected. Well, maybe Phoebe Waller Bridge did when she wrote 

"I don't know where to put it. All the love I have for her". 

But I forgot about all the people who love me, and always will. Even when I was gaslighting myself into thinking that I don't deserve love, I found them right there, guiding me back to them. They told me they needed me. They told me they wouldn't be able to deal with my absence if I died. 

That's the thing isn't it? You don't want to die coz there's 1000 episodes of One Piece to watch. You don't want to die coz Brandon Sanderson is still writing The Stormlight Archives. You don't want to die because you haven't finished Red Dead Redemption 2.

You don't want to die.

Neither do I. 

And just because I won't forgive her, doesn't mean I didn't love my mother. Maybe it's because I loved my mother that I won't forgive her. 

The Bilge Master 

The Ones You Want to Dance With Aren't Here Yet

 The things that you leave behind don't always hurt you. Sometimes, what you leave behind heals you and allows you a different perspective to things. Sometimes, it's a veg momo that changes things, it's seeing someone in a new avatar and knowing that some things don't change and that even when young you were right about someone. 

And then as you grow old and Bruce Springsteen sings "Dancing in the Dark", you realise that perhaps the ones who you want to dance with aren't here yet, so yes, take a look in that mirror and keep your shoes ready. 

If no one takes your hand, well then at least someone remembers that you made them try veg momo. 

It is strange how terms like "bigger picture" start to fade away in such moments

The Bilge Master 

The Over Enthusiastic Falooda Wallah

2024 is on the way out and it has been a year. It has truly been a year. 

There have been many memories made this year in different places. Chai stalls and parking lots, sofas and metro stations, in the darkness of a cinema hall and in the eyes of a new friend.

However the memory that I carry into 2025 is the tale of the over enthusiastic falooda wallah. 

I'd gone on a solo trip to Hyderabad and crashed with friends who did a fine job of hosting me, showing me the sights of the city and encouraging me to explore. It was during a particular dinner where I experienced Mandi for the first time that this story begins. My friends Vijju and Ani soon learnt that I had never had falooda in my life, and so learning they declared that tonight was the night! 

And so we found ourselves, me in a kurta and jeans and Vijju and Ani in the outfits they wore to office, standing next to a falooda cart where the falooda wallah, upon finding out that it was my first time having this dessert, decided it would be the best dessert he could fashion. 

In went the candied fruits, the kesar and the malai, in went the chocolate sauce and syrups and this massive dessert was given to me, with a red spoon to slurp it up slowly, while Ani clicked away and Vijju grinned as I strugged with the overflowing glass.

And this memory is what I'll send 2024 with- the love of a streetside falooda vendor who just wanted the child in me to have the best falooda he could think of.

Goodbye, 2024. You have been an experience!

The Bilge Master