It's gonna be a year soon
To the day that you left us
And you won't come back
Not this time
The flames have taken your body
The Goddess your soul
You won't see Aishani in a saree
You won't write my name in a book anymore
You don't know Kafka came back to me
You don't know of the package in my bag for Bukka
I look behind me at the books on a shelf in my room
Thank you for reading Lord of the Rings for me
I wish Basu had known you
I wish Pious could hug you
I wish I could get insight from you about the project
That made me take a hiatus from this blog
All of my friends
Some of them at least
Still have mothers
They all try in their way to be there for me
My hands are shaking as I type
Maya di is gonna have tears in her eyes
When I send her this so late on Messenger
Reema ma'am will probably...I don't know anymore what she'll do
Baba? You know I'm taking care of him
Tell Thakuma I said hi
I hate that some days I don't miss you
And breathe a sigh of distress on others
When missing you becomes so huge
That I want to curse all the people who have not gone through what I went through
Do I want you back? No
The one goddess I give a shit about took you away
What sort of person would I be to ask for you back?
I proudly say that Lopa's son is not afraid
But Ma, without you here
I wake up afraid, push it aside, look at Baba
And I live
I don't know what this is, I lost control a long time ago
I wasn't ready to lose you so soon
But I guess you had to go
There's a lump in my throat
I want to cry
No tears come, they never have
I want you to know, if at all you can
That I will live on
And though you are dead and gone
Believe me
Your memory carries on
It's been a year since you've gone
And yet I live on, as I must
One day it'll be two, then five
Brijesh da will retire
And one day, I will stand at the same door you stood at a year ago
This then, is truly how the world ends eh?
Not with a bang, but a whimper?
Am I saying that right?
I have to go ma
Baba wants water
You did say that what separates us from animals
Is that we don't refuse a fellow human water
I have to stop now, I have to sleep
Just as you went to sleep
And now instead of your warm voice lining the text in each book I read
There is a voluminous silence
That no shriek can pierce
That no song can break
