Session Attended On "Curses and Boons" Hosted by The School of You & My Impressions

 I have just been a part of The School of You’s session on Curses and Boons, which was a freewheeling discussion about mythology and how many figures in mythology came up with a curse on some people, such as the story of Cassandra and Apollo in the Greek myths or closer to home, the story of Karna in the Mahabharata.

We went on to explore the nuances of injunctions such as “don’t exist”, “don’t be you”, “don’t belong” and how these affect our day to day activities and put unwarranted pressure on us to be something we are not, (or never wanted to be). As a further means to illustrate this, I spoke up and said that my mother would force feed me books by people like Thomas Hardy or Fyodor Dostoevsky and while I accept that some of these books are among the greatest written in the history of mankind, (which immediately set off a train of thought in me about how great that history is anyway, when you consider the Crusades, the actions of the Knights Templar, Charlemagne or closer to home the riots and the Indian freedom struggle from the oppression of the British), I found another world in the writing of J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis and in the films of Guillermo Del Toro than in those books and I think the fact that I could not bring my mother into those worlds, that she expected me to inhabit her worlds without question and yet would never bother with my worlds; well it was that which led me to grow apart from her.

It is funny how the session had more to offer though than what was for me such an immense personal introspection, because we were split into groups and told to re write the story of Karna from the Mahabharata and this was by far one of the best activities I’ve ever done. Our group dived into it, with the clock ticking and eight minutes speeding by and we discussed how, if Karna, who was given a raw deal from the very beginning with his mother Kunti rejecting him (being of course a textbook example of how “don’t exist” is an injunction) instead hadn’t or how his lie to his teacher wouldn’t have been necessary and if Dronacharya had been his guru. We concluded that had this been the case, perhaps (with 25 seconds on the clock) there would have been no Kurukshetra and even no Bhagavad Gita. I must say this story makes a bit more sense than seeing Karna suffer such injustice. I feel, (like others felt in the session too) that his choice to not play the victim card and to be generous and selfless makes Karna a more rounded character ,and a more believable one than Arjuna.

At this point, there was a discussion on how Hindu mythos as a whole is very  unforgiving of mistakes and sends the message that mistakes are what bring about huge penalties and therefore should never be made and some of the mothers in the session went on to say that they don’t read or discuss the Hindu mythological canon with their children.

This reminded me of every single teacher I’ve had who has taught me anything and how they would always encourage me to make mistakes and how they would guide me so that I wouldn’t be making that mistake so effortlessly in the future. Being a freelance teacher myself, I was reminded of a student of mine who was never motivated and all I told him was to just go and give his exam and not worry about any consequences. He thrived and he said to me at our final class that I was the only teacher he had had who had believed in him and not written him off as a lost cause.

I digress, but this got me around to thinking that even a boon is not without its conditions. Stand on one foot for a ridiculous amount of time and you will be granted this boon. Lord Shiva and Ravana, Ravana wanting some recognition of his faith and instead being humiliated because he went too far in lifting the Kailash parvat; or the Prince Dastan from the Prince of Persia video game series who is given power over time itself and is motivated to protect his home of Babylon and yet the underlying theme of “You cannot change your fate”, which we are made to see as he loses Kaileena, the true love of his life and returns home from his battle with the Dahaka to find that indeed, Babylon does lie in flames before him.

Someone had written in the chat of the meeting something along the lines of “When the student is ready, the teacher appears. However, when the student is really ready then the teacher disappears.” A jest indeed, but is it/was it?

Is there truly something that is unconditional in this world and is there truly a need to be perfect? I think what this session reinforced in me are the following points:

One- it is okay to not be okay

Two- perfectionism is a sure fire way to total disaster

Three- celebrate and rejoice the fact that you are flawed. Even God made a mistake in creating humans (since Biblically speaking, humans are flawed creatures) and ignoring Lucifer’s warning that we as a species are flawed

Four- embrace every mistake you make as with each mistake you grow a little

Five- forgive. Forgive those that hurt you, forgive those who make mistakes, and of course forgive and be  kind to your own self.

 

I thank the School of You from the bottom of my heart for this session which has given me so much food for thought and happiness and would love to attend more such sessions as and when I can.

Ashesh Mitra

For more information about The School of You and what it is they do, follow the link below

The School of You 

Goodbyes

 “Bury all your secrets in my skin

Come away with innocence

And leave me with my sins

The air around me still feels like a cage

Love is just a camoflague

For what resembles rage, again…”

~Snuff by Slipknot

 Sometimes you don’t get to say goodbye. Sometimes, she’s just gone and you’re suddenly at the cremation. The relatives come over, the ever oversmart friends say they’re sorry, as if an apology will bring her back. You try to cry, but nothing comes. Are you even human anymore, you ask yourself as you pull on that shirt and spray on the cologne for the Zoom call interview.

Your not so oversmart friends come over. Some of them hold you and watch as you tremble with the heaviness of the hammer blow that’s shattered you. You childhood memories with her play a dance of death in your dreams. What is a dream? Is it supposed to make you happy, or sad, or just fuck you up?

You feel yourself reaching for another bottle while you see your surviving parent cry. So, you put aside your pain, like you always have. After all, you’re the child who grew up too fast, ate too much and was an academic disgrace.

Yet somehow, somewhere in the cosmos, you realize that there are still bits of her in you. The heaviness settles in your heart again as you pack a duffel bag full of books to sell. Her books. You seek solace from the knowledge that you never made her proud of you. You seek to run away from the memories of her beatings and how fast your heart used to beat when you thought that maybe, just maybe 73 in English would be the currency that saved you from a thrashing (It did not).

This is an oft repeated story.

But yesterday, something changed. After 8 years, you sat down to watch cricket. You commented in your WhatsApp group that since the pitch was favoring spin, it would be an even match. You shouted when Rohit Sharma hit a four and a 20m, 96m in the crowd six. You felt your heart break when Kohli left for a duck owing to one of the most amazing leg before wicket decisions.

And India won.

India won. Out of nowhere, a memory started to play in your head. It was the summer hols of 2003. You had woken up and the telly was on. She was standing ramrod straight as a flurry of unknown faces flashed on screen to the accompaniment of the national anthem.

India vs Pakistan. The Master Blaster vs The Rawalpindi Express. It was a strange kind of feeling, as you sat next to her and you experienced something new.

It was the summer of 2025 and you were on holiday for your health.

Rohit Sharma vs Rachin Ravindra. That same strange feeling.

India won.

But that was not all. After such a long time, you remembered something about her that did not make you sad, or angry, or upset, or send you reaching for pills.

Sometimes you don’t get to say goodbye, because the person never leaves.

 
The Bilge Master

Real or Fictional (Part Three)

This is a series I've started called Real or Fictional. Your task is to conclude at the end of reading this short excerpt about a person if that person is real or fictional. 

Abusive language is something that's bad for health if you don't know what it means. However for Sheikh Arjulam Chisti, abusive language was a mantra. Rather than busy himself with the teachings of his gurus, he would find himself inventing a (others called it stunted) vocabulary of abusive words. 

The usual suspects were there of course. The F word, the N word and so on. But there was also a regional one from Bengali which had been modified to include a banyan tree in its linguistics. 

The Rani Saiba shuddered at Sheikh Arjulam Chisti's brazen use of his custom dictionary but she could do nothing much. If she denied him the royal bed, he would go to the (bountifully stocked) harem would he not? Once there he would improve further upon his dictionary. It was a typical case of dammed either way, for Arjulam Chisti wasn't pious in the least.

Then one day, the Sheikh got word that potentially hostile Bengal rulers were at his borders. I must mention that the Sheikh despised warfare and so he chanced upon a way to end the fighting before it began.

When the envoy of the Bengalis arrived, Sheikh Arjulam Chisti invited them into the court and fed them succulent legs of mutton. He presented the envoy and his retinue with copies of a volume he called "Sheikh Arjulam Chisti Ki First Class Khisti". It contained the most creative of abusive languages based on Bengali abuse.

The envoys could not believe their eyes for here was a way to write in code and outfox other enemies. I am told an alliance has been struck up with the Sheikh and frequent coded letters using the guidebook "Sheikh Arjulam Chisti Ki First Class Khisti" is used even today!

What's that? An example you say? Well, I'll give you the principle.

Just attached "ch***a" to any word in Bengali!

Is the Sheikh Arjulam Chisti real or fictional?

The Bilge Master 

Real or Fictional (Part Two)

This is a new series I've started called Real or Fictional. At the end of this post about a person, you get to decide if the person is real or fictional!

Book clubs are a fun place to be, but they can be toxic as well. I was a little apprehensive about joining some clubs but then I suppose I was young, or simply stupid to think that some people were in book clubs for the books and not the ego masturbation!

But then came two clubs and the people who ran them. From one admin, I learnt how to run a club. I learnt not to give up and I found friends. The girl who ran this club is a dear friend, with a talent for teaching and writing.

The other club is running well and the admin asked me to help him. Even if I'm not active, I go there sometimes and discuss whatever is being discussed, thereby learning to think on my feet. 

But this guy just appeared in my life one day. He happened to have a blog and a mutual friend built a bridge for us. The friend has since then fucked off, but the two of us have a club! Yet again, something that seemed unpleasant led to something different and rewarding.

I suppose some clubs are not for me, and some clubs are where I'm born to be. 

Are these admins Real or Fictional? You decide!

The Bilge Master 

Real or Fictional: A Series (Part One)

I play a game when I'm on public transport or just waiting for someone to turn up where I look at a person next to me or in my field of vision and I try to give them a backstory. This series is going to take that spirit of creativity but the challenge is to figure out if the person exists in the real world or in the fictional world of my head! 

Here we go, then!

An old woman who lives next door. She has two children, both married and her son is in the USA. She likes to read Bengali books and the newspaper. She makes it a point to organise a Saraswati Puja in the house and chants the mantra herself. 

She's also a good cook and must have been formidable in her younger days. Since her daughter is married, I know her son in law as well as their dog, an adorable golden retriever. But I'll write about them some other time. I am usually the one she calls upon if she needs to send an image on WhatsApp or if she wants to treat me to something she just made.

She also gifts me a kurta or t shirt during the Pujas and invites me to lunch on my birthday and inevitably there's a book waiting for me when I show up!

I was fortunate to know her husband as well, he was a man of few words but he was always someone who was kind to me. 

It's very rare finding a neighbour like this in today's day and age and I hope I learn a few more things from her as we move forward.

Real? Fictional? You decide! 

The Bilge Master 

Rambling On About One Piece

I seem to be sharing some morbid posts now and then so this time I'm just gonna talk about this sudden encounter with a fictional character and how much he speaks to me on multiple levels. 

I'm sure many of you know the name Oda (Oda Sensei to some) and his ongoing work, "One Piece". It's the story of Monkey D Luffy, the man who ate the Gum-Gum Devil Fruit and now is elastic. He dreams of being the King of Pirates and on his journey he's got some really interesting characters tagging along. 

The character that has struck me hardest is Roronara Zoro, a bounty hunter skilled in the Three Sword Style of fighting. He's a tough cookie but one of the most outstanding characters put to paper (and in this case image). 

Since he made Luffy his captain, his honor is bound to Luffy and even though Luffy gets in strange situations, there is a certain trust Zoro has in him. He's the one person who always sees the good Luffy tries to do in the world and thus he is always with Luffy. 

I have of course just started my journey and have 1000 episodes left but the prospect of spending 1000 episodes with Roronara Zoro and the other straw hats is something I'm looking forward to.

Which character in One Piece speaks to you? Let me know!

The Bilge Master 

The Act of Letting Go

"You only miss the sun when it starts to snow 

Only know you love her when you let her go" 

~Passenger 

If you'd told me a few years back that I would be writing this article, I'd have slapped you across the face and told you to fuck off. I guess when I look back at that rage filled man, I want to give him a hug and just tell him that I'm him too, I'm him and I'm going to be okay. 

The thing is, I've never known peace you see. It was either my mother or my father or a family member or a teacher or a mentor or a "well wisher" messing with my peace. This lack of peace continued until I got out of college, even after my mother died and well into the tail end of my 20s, with many people registering shock that instead of mourning my mother I was writing bad things about her and not forgiving her. Nobody understood the pain I was in, the pain she had caused me and the love she had rejected. Well, maybe Phoebe Waller Bridge did when she wrote 

"I don't know where to put it. All the love I have for her". 

But I forgot about all the people who love me, and always will. Even when I was gaslighting myself into thinking that I don't deserve love, I found them right there, guiding me back to them. They told me they needed me. They told me they wouldn't be able to deal with my absence if I died. 

That's the thing isn't it? You don't want to die coz there's 1000 episodes of One Piece to watch. You don't want to die coz Brandon Sanderson is still writing The Stormlight Archives. You don't want to die because you haven't finished Red Dead Redemption 2.

You don't want to die.

Neither do I. 

And just because I won't forgive her, doesn't mean I didn't love my mother. Maybe it's because I loved my mother that I won't forgive her. 

The Bilge Master 

The Ones You Want to Dance With Aren't Here Yet

 The things that you leave behind don't always hurt you. Sometimes, what you leave behind heals you and allows you a different perspective to things. Sometimes, it's a veg momo that changes things, it's seeing someone in a new avatar and knowing that some things don't change and that even when young you were right about someone. 

And then as you grow old and Bruce Springsteen sings "Dancing in the Dark", you realise that perhaps the ones who you want to dance with aren't here yet, so yes, take a look in that mirror and keep your shoes ready. 

If no one takes your hand, well then at least someone remembers that you made them try veg momo. 

It is strange how terms like "bigger picture" start to fade away in such moments

The Bilge Master