The Friendzone and Why It Needs to Go

Picture a scenario where a guy asks a pretty girl.out on a date and the girl rejects his advances; stating that she's always considered him a good friend.

Now, invert the scenario. Say a girl asks a reasonably handsome guy out and gets rejected in much the same fashion, isn't it basically the same thing?

My generation terms an act like this "friendzoning". That is fine. I mean we all look for terms to explain actions. If we can have LOL, why can't we have a Friendzone?

But as always, there's a difference between a guy getting friendzoned and a guy friendzoning a girl. Or so it seems to me.

In the first case, the guy got an ego boost and he could go on and brag about how he "Friendzoned that chick" to his "bros". Hey , "bros before hoes" remember?

In the second case, since the girl turned the guy down, it becomes somehow unacceptable to the guy. "How dare she turn me down?" seems to be the thing to say. Quite natural. The same ego has been shattered hasn't it?

Then there's the "I'm a really nice guy!" act or the "Come on, I'm way better than THAT guy!" thing.

My question here is why? Why all this fuss about someone saying no? Why can't we people take no for an answer and why do we always have to assume that a woman who is our friend or even slightly friendly is dying to go out with us at the first chance she gets?

Isn't that a dirty way to think of women? Doesn't that make them seem like they exist only to be asked out by us the so called "alpha males"?

What is it with guys and their obsessive compulsive need to always be on top? How is it a matter of shame if some girl is better than you at maths or gaming?

And why is it that we can say no to women, but women saying no to us is so much of a sacrilege?

I honestly wonder when this generation of mine is going to grow up and put a stop to nonsensical terms like "Friendzone".

A girl doesn't exist to have sex with you. Instead of flexing your biceps at her, try getting to know her. Instead of revving the car engine when you wanna pick her up, try giving her the keys for once. Instead of flirting with her, try complimenting her.

Try treating a girl you like as your equal and as a person instead of just an object or a possession.

But then again, your great ego can't process that isn't it Mr Really Nice Guy?

The Bilge Master

Games People Play

Picture yourself in 15^th century Italy, with a blade hidden in your wrist, perched atop the local church, waiting to strike a nobleman who has connections with the Templar organisation.

Picture yourself at the wheel of a Konigsegg Agera R, with nitrous, about to take a turn at 220 miles-per-hour with the cops hot on your tail.

Seems like a dream doesn’t it?

Welcome to the world of gaming my friend.

We humans have always wanted to live life large. We’ve wanted adventure, excitement, and panache in our lives. Unfortunately most of us have a nine to five job, with a family to take care of or have to attend college and come back to housework and the lecture notes. Suffice to say, we live a life filled with stress and some form of instant relaxation is a welcome thing. Something like grabbing a joystick and driving a 5 million dollar car down the streets of San Francisco or controlling Fernando Torres as he scores a goal.

The virtual reality that is gaming appeals to us because of this. For a few hours, we get to forget who we are, and step into a world not at all like our own. We get to drive the fastest cars, visit the biggest hotels or casinos and live the dream so to speak; albeit virtually.

Games these days are also about more than just that. For example, the immensely popular role playing games Mass Effect. In Mass Effect, the choices that you make while playing affect how the game ultimately ends. Make the wrong choice and a person can die. In the game Skyrim, you start out as just a dragon slayer, destined to kill the evil Alduin. As you progress your character becomes a shade of decidedly disturbing gray. Some missions in Skyrim have you kill innocents for powerful armor and weapons while in one mission you actually have the choice of becoming a cannibal.

The sense of power that these games give you demands maturity. Games these days are no longer for children. The industry has grown to accommodate adults as well and therefore the plot lines and the general visuals of the games have become dark; to reflect the world that we live in. Remember that someone playing a game is doing so to escape temporarily from the various pressures that he faces in his day to day life- be it a harsh boss or a strict professor. 

Games these days take that into account and give the player character the power necessary to vanquish the darkness.

Now here, I must mention that most games resort to tremendous violence and gore in order to transmute said power and as a result, you get tired of playing after a while. I mean how much killing can you take? Certainly, fighting a dragon and a challenging one at that is a different story, but pointing a gun at a person and getting points for shooting his head off isn’t my cup of tea. Give me a game I can get lost in, such as Dragon Age Inquisition or Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor  or even Alan Wake where the emphasis is on exploration and preparation before fighting as opposed to games like Crysis 2 which is basically “I have a bigger gun than you do” ; and I will be happy.

Games such as Ubisoft’s Child of Light, which is based on the fairytale Sleeping Beauty is an example of one such game. It’s a beautiful game, set in the mind of Aurora, the lead character- a princess who has gone to sleep while the world around her is in anarchy. The game plays out as a scene from a fairy tale and the soundtrack is equally mesmerising.

Ori and the Dark Forest and Limbo are games with a slightly darker theme, but based on the same idea that Child of Light is. Games such as these are fun to play, do not involve gore or bloodshed or profane language and remind us of times when we were innocent.

Having touched upon the subject of innocence, I will now conclude this writeup.

When we were young, we didn’t have so much trouble. Life was simple and games we played back then reflected that. In order to keep up with us, games today have evolved and the evolution has made some games lose that innocence. However the gaming industry has made brilliant games and in accordance to ages. There are games for all ages, games that demand a little maturity and games that are one time plays.

With so much versatility, we really are spoilt for choice. However, we need to remember that in the end, we are just playing a game. The actions we perform in-game are meant to stay in-game.

That being said, a Porsche Carrera is just a click away! 

The Bilge Master

Smoke Rings in the Dark

She walks like a feather,

Dropping from a tree in June,

She shines brighter than a shooting star,

And her kiss reminds me of a warm summer evening,

She’s tracing a path through the constellations,

While I’m sitting looking up at the stratosphere,

Wondering about our place in the stars,

And blowing smoke rings in the dark

Pretty soon, she’ll be back

While I’m having a barbecue for Mabel,

Circling around one more time,

My own personal celestial body,

And there I’ll be,

Falling for that shooting star,

Blowing smoke rings in the dark

The Bilge Master

Houses

There was once a little boy. Maybe you’d seen him. He used to stay in the house in the corner. But not for long. He moved a lot see?

I met the man he has become recently and we talked for a while. I asked him why he always moved and he said it was because he got bored easily. He also said it was because he was looking for a haven; a place he could rest his head.

“And have you found it?”, I asked him.

He smiled at me. “I always had it. I just never knew it. So, I changed houses. One day I’d be in a white house with blue curtains. The next day I would wake up in a dark house with moth eaten ones. I was young and there was time. There was always time.

The houses had each their own charm, and I made friends in the 

locality very quickly. So I don’t think it was loneliness that spurred me to seek different quarters. Truth be told, I didn’t know what it was. It was as if the house itself grew tired of me and told me one day to leave.

Even today, I’m in limbo, stuck between two cities and two houses. One of them has a dilapidated toilet, set in with superglue; and a half constructed staircase leading up to the gate.

The other is beautiful- large, spacious and full of love. My family stays there. My world resides there. That place for my head I mentioned? I found it.

For you see my friend, I forgot one very important thing. A house is not a home. The places you live are not your home. Your home is where you have your loved ones waiting at the door for you. It is where you can show up at all hours of the night, confident that someone will open the door.

I said I got bored. I didn’t realise I carried my home with me wherever I went, secure in a pocket of my four chambered heart. My parents and my dog were there with me. That’s what mattered. Not the house I lived in, not the blue curtains or the yellow patio, but the five foot ten man with a cigarette in his hand and the woman in the rocking chair with a Georgette Heyer novel. Not to mention the amber coloured angel with liquid brown eyes, who has left us now to attend the great gig in the sky.

All these houses in all these localities that I lived in for so long were just houses. Brick and cement, held together by engineering. They lacked the spark that made them home. In my mind’s eye, home was a collection of smells. Smells of potpourri and garlic eminating from the kitchen. Smells of fresh beer bought from the local store.  Home to me meant mother’s cooking. Home to me meant my father teaching me mathematics. No house could ever be my home. My home was in my heart.

I minded, no I resented having to move so much. I resented having to leave behind a place I thought I belonged to. I was naive. All I needed was two people. Those two people were an anchor. I realise that now, in this new spacious house where dwells my family.

Everytime I get on the bus to come here, I’m happy. Everytime I get on the bus to leave a part of me wishes I didn’t have to go. In between, I remind myself that I do not belong in other places and that gives me peace. Peace I did not have before.

Therefore, the answer to your question my friend is yes. Yes I have found what I was looking for.  I don’t have to leave anymore. I just have to catch a bus.”

So spoke the man, once a boy. I thought long and hard about what he said. I felt I had to share it.

The Bilge Master