Saturday, December 30, 2017

Discoveries (Happy New Year)

It s that time of the year again. It ends, not with a whimper but with a bang. I've done it all this year. I've made new friends, discovered stuff about myself, fallen in love (temporarily) and kicked my depression out.

I have one new year resolution. By the end of 2018 I shall be off my medicines. This will help me tremendously in the long run, mainly because of all the side effects, weight gain being the primary concern.

This year has been about discoveries. I've discovered people whom I genuinely am in sync with, I joined an office and am discovering that two ends of a wire has unlimited possibilities, I've felt free after a long time.

Here is to more discoveries. Here's to finding new things out by myself. Here's to the future and here's to leaving the past behind.
Happy New Year (In advance) from your one and only


The Bilge Master

Monday, December 25, 2017

The Christmas Change- A Guest Post by Paige Voorhes

The post below is written by my friend Paige who lives in Texas. She has kindly written a few lines about how Christmas is celebrated in her family. Please welcome Paige to the blog people!
Merry Christmas from Paige and me!
The Bilge Master

In my family, Christmas is not a day- Christmas is a season.  As a child, my mother transformed the house.  The décor that filled the shelves, covered the walls and draped over the furniture were all replaced come December with varying degrees of winter’s magic; a snow-covered village on the table, an oversized stocking on the door, Santa Claus in every room.  Mom loves Santa.  He sits by the television painting toys, his face smiles up at you from couch pillows, and he stands regally atop the Christmas Tree, watching over us all. 

The tree itself was most often artificial, and Dad would drag it out from wherever it had been stored all year, untie whatever was gripping the torn box closed, and set it up piece by piece in the corner of the living room.  He would then drape lights all across the fluffed out branches (until pre-lit trees blessed this world), hoping all the bulbs still worked after being unceremoniously thrown into a box last January, left to tangle amongst itself.  Once that was over, my mother would wrap the tree like a present with a garland or ribbon.  Only then was the tree ready for ornaments.

The ornaments themselves were a personal favorite of mine.  Some were simple- a wooden cut out of a nativity scene, for example.  Others were a bit jollier, like the three slice-of-life Santa’s Workshop scenes depicting various stages of Santa’s day.  There were the homemade ornaments my siblings and I brought back annually from elementary school, looking more and more tattered every year.  There were the ornaments that predated my birth, personal favorites of my parents from their childhood (like my late grandmother’s glass ornaments or my mother’s Garfield cat).  Ornaments representing pets, hobbies and birthdays filled the gaps, and the ceramic heart symbolizing my grandfather, gone before I was able to meet him, meant a lot to my mother.

Christmas wasn’t just about the home transformation, either.  In the kitchen was where we made our magic.  My Grandma and mother baked tons of cookies, from traditional cut-out sugar cookies (a favorite with us children, who decorated them once they cooled) to gingerbread men to cookies topped with cherries or chocolate kisses, to the nut filled ones I avoided.  All month our kitchen was filled with the delicious scent of baking.  It would peak on Christmas day, where every morning my mother would make us all a Monkey Bread cake, to eat whilst opening presents.  In the most recent years the cookie baking has died down, but every Christmas morning I help my mother make that Monkey Bread, and every year our growing family eats it in the living room, surrounded by gifts.

Traditionally for my family, Christmas Eve was spent at my Grandmother’s house.  Her, my aunt, and my family spent the time together opening presents from each other.  There wasn’t a large tree- my grandma had one, but it was only a few feet tall, and she would cover it up with a trash bag every year for storage in the attic, ornaments and all- but I do remember a golden bell she’d hang from the door frame.  If you pulled the cord it would sing carols.  I loved it.

On the short drive back to our place my parents would point out red dots in the sky and claim that it was Rudolph.  We would beg them to drive faster, get us home so we can get to bed!  If Santa comes and we’re awake, he won’t leave us presents!  We would pile into the house, knocking the snow off our shoes, and run to the computer.  Mom would pull up the Santa Tracker, and we would see exactly where he was.  It was a miracle we were able to sleep.

One year I woke up early to my father sleeping on the couch near the tree, our video camera propped up in the other room pointing towards the front door.  When I woke him up he sleepily explained that he had fallen asleep trying to catch Santa, and the video camera that he was hoping to record him on had run out of batteries.  Drat!  Luckily, they were able to replace the batteries and film us opening the presents the next morning.  You know, since the camera was already there.

Something fun about Santa is that for our house, he would use special Santa tags and wrapping paper.  I didn’t notice it as much when I was younger, but when I noticed that Mom and Dad’s presents came wrapped differently, it was another magical charm that made Christmas special.

When you reach adulthood, Christmas changes.  Santa doesn’t bring adults presents.  But Santa doesn’t need to.  Because in adulthood, it is your turn to play Santa.
Now, you get to buy presents for your loved ones.  You get to be responsible for their smiles and happiness.  And just as you give, they give back.  Christmas becomes less centered on you and your joy, and more centered on the joy all around.

We moved away from my Grandma many years ago, but I still have a Christmas Eve tradition.  My husband’s family always celebrates with family gifts on Christmas Eve, just like we did as children.  So every year, my husband and I buy gifts for every niece and nephew that we have.  Sometimes we buy a present for every adult, and sometimes we play Secret Santa, and we love to play a present swap game.  Everyone brings something for dinner, we have warm drinks, and when it’s time to open presents the room becomes a chaotic explosion of wrapping paper and cardboard.

My family gathers the morning of, while my in-laws are opening Santa’s gifts at home.  My sister’s family gets a visit from Santa, and afterwards we gather around our tree and swap presents we have bought each other.  We always open presents in the same order- youngest to oldest. Everyone sees what everyone opened, and opening in a round gives us plenty of time to enjoy our hot, gooey Monkey Bread paired with egg nogg or mimosas.  It takes a while to get through everyone, but that just means more time together as a family.


Some traditions stay the same over time.  New traditions form with age.  Christmas is an ever flowing constant in my life, and I love it even more as the years go by.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Moonlight Sonata- A Guest Post by Debdip Maitra

The poem below is written by Debdip Maitra, my senior in college. It has been languishing in my inbox for a while now, but I've dug it up! Welcome him to the blog people!

The Bilge Master

Hiding dreams in pianos gathering dust,
Living life in nights of wanderlust,
And the dreams twist and turn and lead to you,
Tell me darling, do you at times think of me too?

Living lives in words unspoken,
In the silence amidst the reflections broken,
And the world it spins on and on and on...
Tell me darling, do you miss me when I’m gone?

Breaking my heart on nights like this,
With memories of summer, and a lingering kiss,
My heart now smells like stale cigarettes,
Tell me darling, do you miss me, in fading vignettes?

Floating my thoughts off on starlit dreams,
Watching them row away on the moonbeams,
And as the moonlight sonata once more enthrals,
Tell me darling, do you remember me at all?


Friday, December 15, 2017

Faith

My life was in shambles
As if caught in a never ending storm
One day, I met You
And a flashlight appeared in the darkness


The Bilge Master

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

The Park Bench

We are not friends
Just strangers with memories
Of times gone by
In the blink of an eye
As we held hands
On this park bench
The world was simple
Touchscreens were far away
And the spider hadn't come yet
To spin the world wide web
And now, when all this has happened
We have changed
Oh how strange to be forty
Sitting on the same bench
But growing old with you
Just isn't the same


The Bilge Master

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Backfiring Magic

There are a few days when I sit and contemplate. I think about how our world has changed so much, about how we were there when Federer won yet another Grand Slam, or Nadal the French Open; and then my thoughts wander even farther. I think about my childhood.

When I was a wee lad, we had a landline telephone. It had a receiver with a cord attached to it and a dial pad with numbers on it which you had to push in order to make calls. Then they made a mobile phone. It was black and white with a simple UI and nothing very special under the hood. It allowed us to take calls even when we were not inside the house and for me, that was nothing short of 
a miracle. We were the last non-wireless generation

Another thing we had was a music system with a turntable to play LP's on. We had a varied collection of LPs and we would listen to them frequently. But, the charm of this music system was the cassette player. Sometimes, when rewinding or fast forwarding, the tape would get stuck and we had to stop what we were doing, take out the tape and use a pencil to manually wind it forwards or backwards. My child will never know the relation between pencils and cassette tapes. I doubt if the next generation will know how a cassette tape works.

We also didn't have eBooks. We had books. There was no Kindle in our times, unless you count the word kindle.  Smartphones were also a distant futuristic invention. Computers were big, consisting of three parts- a monitor, keyboard and mouse and a CPU. No octa-core processors or 16GB RAM. They were simple machines, capable of what (at the time were) wonderful things. Computers today have become so small you can carry them with you.

We had no WhatsApp. Yes you read it right. We didn't have Facebook either, or Snapchat or Instagram. When I was 10 years old, Facebook launched itself. We saw WhatsApp being born and smartphones being made. We also saw the XBOX and PlayStation's 1st generation and saw them rise to XBOX One and Playstation 4. We lived the rise and fall of the compact disk.

The world has become very small indeed. I have Facebook friends all over the world and have had video chats with some of them. Just this one fact boggles my mind. The fact that I can talk to someone in Romania or the Philippines without moving from my chair. The coming generation will be born into this small world, with all kinds of technology surrounding them. They won't be able to identify with my childhood, and when they grow as old as me, technology's very face will have changed yet again.

But, by making this world so small, I feel it has lost its wonder. We used to go out for walks and admire nature. We used to like going on trips, with our primitive phones, some of which did not even have cameras. We met face to face and talked that way too. We didn't know Pokemon beyond 150.

Now, we have all this magic. But we are not magicians. We were innocent and now that innocence is lost.

The Bilge Master


Monday, December 4, 2017

The Ultimate Question

There was once a man who created Something
After applying differential calculus
This Creation was a marvel
It knew all the questions
But not the answers
And so people did not know
What they were to do with it
Until someone asked of it
To tell them what
The Ultimate Question was
And the Creation replied
When we say "Let there be light"
Is there actually light?


The Bilge Master

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Banu's Song

My child
One day you will be born
And we will bring you home
And tell you about life
We will speak of music and the arts
We will take you on trips
We will introduce you to books                               
And we will be your best friends
As you grow older and start to make friends
Most of whom will be exceptional
Because no two human beings are alike
Some will leave you after a short time
Others will stand by you until the end
One day, you will fall in love and marry
And have a life of your own
When that happens I ask of you one thing
And one thing only
Do not forget us
The first friends you made
One day we will leave you
And go I know not where
When that time comes
Forgive the wrong that we've done
Miss us a little
Talk of us to your children
(Whom we can't wait to meet)
Until that time comes my child
All I can do is write about you
And the good times we will have
And these words will wait
As will I
For your arrival
Which is neither near nor far


The Bilge Master

Saturday, November 18, 2017

In My Black and White World

People said I'm crazy
'Coz I didn't talk like they do
Calling me insane was their second-favorite thing to do
Wherever I've roamed
This opinion has followed
Until I met someone like you
You are a tempest tossed silence
You are a warm summer afternoon in May
You are friends I will never forget
Because in my black and white world
You
Are the only colours
I will ever need


The Bilge Master

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

The Street Urchin

I saw a street urchin on the road today
Playing with a broken stick and a tyre
And I thought
How simple her world was
Not for her the mysteries of science
Nor the symphonies of Mozart
Not for her the halls of stone
We read about in books
To her our world is complex
She will never have a Facebook account
An d will be married off at sixteen
I will wake each day and go to office
Whilst she lives and loves
Stricken with poverty
Not for her the promise of education
Nor a world beyond the tea stall
Not for her lavish birthday parties
I return home at night with her on my mind
And I wonder
How we live in the same world
With worlds within
Each so starkly different from each other


The Bilge Master

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Lady in White

Lady in white looking out to sea
I wonder what you can see
Do you see love amidst the gathering storm?
Or are you looking just to see?
Lady in white share your misery
And banish the negativity
You are all that you'll need
And maybe one day you'll set me free
Lady in white looking out to sea
I wonder if you can see me
Hiding in the tides, stealthy
Lady in white looking out to sea
Will you take me home with thee?


The Bilge Master

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Self Love

Self love came to me amid a hailstorm of self doubt
It shielded me from the debris and showed me a way out
Self love walked in on a freezing winter morning in December
When all the lights had gone out
It lighted my way to the exit in the south
Self love is there in all of us in the little things we overlook
It could be hiding in the song stuck in your head
Or the last book you read
Let it in and let it fill you up
It's going to be okay


The Bilge Master

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Shades of Love

I dont want to be loved for the sake of it
And I dislike being hated
I want to live and die
And leave a footprint in my wake
I dont want to be loved for my looks and charming smile
I want to be loved for what I am underneath
The real me, whom I hide
I want someone to unlock the closed doors
Behind which my pain lies locked away
And stand by me in spite of it all
After seeing what I really am
I want to reveal the worst of me
What I am under the scar tissue
And I hope she'll love me and my darkness
Both the same


The Bilge Master

Monday, October 2, 2017

Rampur: A Trip to Remember! (A PhotoBlog)

It was a rainy afternoon when yours truly set out for Rampur with two classmates from college. We arrived there in the afternoon and were given sweets and cucumber to eat. It was the last day of Durga Puja and we were at the maternal home of one of our classmates. They celebrate Durga Puja at their home every year.

As is known, Durga Puja is a very special festival for Bengalis. It involves the coming of a goddess from her mountain home in Kailash to the earth for four days. Four days of festivities, of new clothes, of  pandals, and of trips out of town.
Rampur is a small village near Habra, far away from the bustle of Kolkata. It is silent, peaceful and welcoming. I didn't want to come back from there.

I'm a writer, but I am finding it hard to find words that can adequately express the amount of love I was shown at Rampur. I was introduced to all the elders, and took their blessings before taking my leave. The food was simple rustic fare and was delicious and what Puja is complete without some good old adda at 1 AM in the morning?

The following are a few photos I took while I was there













The Bilge Master

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Books and Me

I read books of all kinds
Books torn or intact, books that are wild
And those that are tame
Books describing war
And famine
And those that speak of plenty
And peace
Books are my first friends
Some I won, others I was given
Some I found amidst dirty shelves
In foreign houses
Others I came by on the streets
I have but one request
If there is a kingdom of heaven
Point me to the library


The Bilge Master

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Haunt


I
Dear diary,

I think I am going mad. I don't know what to do, but I'll tell you about it. 

It started around two weeks ago, when they released me from hospital. My girlfriend did not make it. Her injuries from the car crash were too severe. I came home with my arm in a sling and to worried pair of parents. They were very happy I was okay, but they sensed something was wrong, especially mother who is a Libra.

The first weird thing that happened was the flickering of the lights. Every evening at seven o clock, all the lights in the house would start to flicker and sometimes go out entirely. They came back on after some time but it was spooky.

Then, things started disappearing. Small stuff at first- a few spoons, a small jug, some candles- nothing major. My mother thought they had been misplaced and didn't pay too much mind to them. Something spooky happened the other night. It was raining. The lights flickered as usual and went out. Suddenly the ferocity of the storm increased and we had to shut the windows. While I was shutting the ones in my room, a lightning bolt fell, lighting up the yard.

And I saw her standing there.

My girlfriend with a bandaged arm was standing stock still in the backyard, dressed in the same white slacks and tee shirt she wore on the day of the car crash. I thought I was seeing things at first- tricks of the light. I paid it no mind, shut the windows and left the room.

For about a week, the lights flickered regularly. My father went to check the fuses and earthing of the house for potential flaws but everything was okay. Meanwhile more things started to disappear- bigger things this time- a clock from the mantelpiece, a figurine of a woman in a blue dress and some books.

Also, a new symptom developed. I started to have nightmares about the night of the crash. They were vivid and described the crash very well. My girlfriend  featured in all of them. She looked at me out of hollowed eyes and asked me why I hadn't saved her when I had the chance.

II

Dear diary,
This is the second time I am writing about all of this. That feeling of going mad has increased.  I keep hearing her voice in my head. The lights flicker more violently these days and mother says she feels something evil lurking in the house. Seeing as all this was putting a strain on us, we came away from the house for a quiet weekend at a small hotel.

But it was not to be. The lights in my room flicker constantly and I see my girlfriend in the bathroom mirror.  She keeps getting closer and closer and more defined with each passing minute. I think she has come for me. I am scared out of my wits and I feel persecuted.

III

Dear diary,
It's getting worse. The voices keep getting louder and louder and my girlfriend is there in a selfie I took. She was sitting on my shoulder. I feel more and more sure that she has come for me. I don't know what to do.

IV

Dear diary,

I'm stuck with her. No matter where I go or what I do, she is perched on my shoulder. I am the only one that sees her. None of the other people do- neither friends nor family. I told my parents about this and we conducted an exorcism. It seems like she is gone. The misplaced things were found and the lights no longer flicker. I think the worst is behind us.

V

Dear diary,

The voices are getting worse. They keep calling me back to the scene of the crash. I'm not sure if I should go. Maybe going there would help solve this puzzle.

Contd.- I went to the site of the crash. My car had been towed away and the scene seemed calm.  Then, I saw her again. She raised a finger and beckoned me towards her. I turned tail and ran. I'm writing this with a stiff drink in my hand. I have no idea if this is real or some sort of illness that has taken over me. The voices never stop.

VI

Dear diary,

She's sitting on my shoulder as I write this and I've accepted that she will haunt me forever. The voices have been getting louder and louder and accusatory in tone. She never speaks. She just sits there on my shoulder. This is my last diary entry, written while I am still sane. There is a gun in the house. I think I'll use it. This torture has to end. 

Goodbye


The Bilge Master

The Blinking Cursor

Most of the time when I am demotivated, I turn to my family and friends for help. This is especially when it's been a bad hair day and even shampoo has given up on me as a lost cause, leaving me looking like a devastated area.

Like all writers, on occasion I suffer from writer's block, which is really, really frustrating. At such times, I open Word and stare at the blank page for a few minutes before striking  my keyboard keys to form words.

Sometimes the words come, other times they don't.

I would like to point out the one constant companion that a writer has while he types on his keyboard. The blinking cursor.

It sits there and winks at you every two seconds, telling you it's ready and waiting to imprint words. It tries it's best to ensure you don't feel alone when you're writing anything and is always ready to work with you, even when you ask it to type ten thousand words. Yet we never notice this gem of a creation. The cursor plays with us and toys with our emotions. It sits there and blinks while you are trying your best to break out of a block. It is both condescending and supporting. At times it is the Devil, at other times it is the voice of God.

Come what may, it is waiting for the next keystroke, even when none comes.

It is silently watching, waiting and winking.


The Bilge Master 

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Replacement

The days of my youth
A world where people
Existed without Facebook
Or Instagram
And instead sat on porches
Swinging life away with a cup of coffee
When conversations happened face  to face
Instead of Skype to Skype
And simple pleasures were treasures
The feeling of
Getting  a new book to read
The thrill of making a friend in the field
The long  chat sessions after school ended
The happy go lucky and carefree days
 Have been replaced
By computer screens and WhatsApp
As we say our goodbyes over Messenger
And wonder what to tweet about next
Replacement is a dangerous thing
Because it can backfire
And cause sadness as well as happiness
I miss the days of my youth
And realize my father told me the truth
When he said
Son each day is precious
Use your days well!


The Bilge Master

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Bitter Goodbye

I  am a survivor staring out at the wreckage after a storm
Watching the splinters of wood float by carried in the sea's arms
Nautically speaking I am a novice
And the crew I sailed with full of bad choices
But I'm the one that made it out alive
Despite the worst gales and tempests
That claimed the lives of all the men on board
I survived to tell the tale of this naval conquest
In the tempest tossed silence, I can still hear their screams
My heart will never be the same
For I lived and watched others die
And now I bid the sea a bitter goodbye


The Bilge Master

Friday, September 1, 2017

Emptiness- A Guest Post by Mary Katerine

This is a post written by a friend in Romania called Mary Katerine. It is written in memory of her grandfather who passed away a year ago. My condolences go out to Mary and her family and I am honoring her request to have this put up here on the blog
The Bilge Master

Emptiness

You know the emptiness
Of the sad room
You used to live in?
The emptiness
Of those left behind
Trying  to figure out
How to live their lives?
The emptiness
Of the book I gave you
Before you died
And of the characters
You never got to meet?
The emptiness
Of the love paralyzed,
Of the tears wept
When you had to leave?


Sunday, August 27, 2017

The Plain

There is a dusty plain in the middle of nowhere
Where the sun does not shine
No rain falls there
And there aren't saints nor sinners
Snow does not mingle with the dust
Neither does any iron rust
Everyone ends up there anyway
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust

The Bilge Master


Thursday, August 24, 2017

I am An Iceberg That Never Melts

I am an iceberg
That ne'er melts
So
Bury all your scandals
In my skin
All your secrets
Will be safe
Free of charge
So
Unburden yourself
Every little lie
Your first kiss
The lover that you miss
There is no genre
I am an iceberg that never melts
And your secrets are still buried beneath
Layers of cold, cold ice
Like the blood in your veins


The Bilge Master

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Webs of Text

We live our lives
In webs of text
Checking out who got married next
Intricate are these webs
That we surround ourselves with
We can be anyone within them
So much subterfuge
Makes us forget who we really are
As Instagram buzzes with the next cool photo
We forget to breathe fresh air
We strike keys instead of meeting in real life
Coz Facebook is so entertaining
Gossip on  tap
When did this happen and how?
When did we get swallowed up by webs of text
That we chose to wallow in
While outside the world spins madly on?
What makes us so afraid to leave the house
Without our smartphones?
The web of text engulfs us
While out there our life flashes by
And we sleep in a cocoon of lies
While time flies


The Bilge Master

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Don't Let the Bastard Win

In the year 2015, my life changed. It practically came to a stop. I could not attend college properly, my friends and I were having arguments and my family always faced bitterness from me.
My father took me to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with acute bipolar disorder or if you prefer it manic depression. This began a journey into a dark place, with many ups and downs- more ups than downs and it has been two years since that diagnosis was made.

In these two years, I have been depressed like the Dickens . I forgot what happiness was and every day  I would wake up with a prayer that somehow I would survive till the day ended. I was put on a battery of medication and they served to turn me into a drugged zombie with barely enough strength left mentally to exist.

But, I started to explore this dark place I was in, armed with just a matchstick. I looked for light. Many matchsticks burnt out. Thousands of them turned to ash and splintered wood, but I still laboured on.

I was assaulted by demons from my past memories. They tugged away at me and forced me to relive my worst times. In sleep there was no respite as the demons visited me in form of nightmares.

Quite a pretty picture I've painted and I wonder what you're thinking right now dear reader. Does this story have an end? Did he get out alive or is this someone else writing for him? The answers to those two questions are yes, the story has an end and no this is still me writing this.

I was taken to different psychiatrists and even carted off to Bangalore to figure out a way out of this predicament. Nothing seemed to be working. I was stagnant, with the depression still very much there, sitting on my shoulder like a ghost. It was strong and it was angry that I was fighting it. I was indeed locked in battle with it, for a TV show I'd seen called M*A*S*H gave me a mantra to fight back.

Don't let the bastard win.

Those five words meant a lot to me, as much as other advice. They became a weapon- a pickaxe with which I could hack away at the walls of the darkness shrouding my mind. I should mention here that my friends and family were forever at my side and their unwavering support- just the idea of their faces in my mind gave me strength to survive. They didn't do much- maybe answer a call, reply to a WhatsApp immediately or just be a name I could recall at will; but all of those tiny droplets of kindness integrated into a large ocean which became a weapon against the darkness.

And there was of course- Don't let the bastard win.

A year  and a half passed by. I remained at home, with no college apart from just attending the semester exams which I somehow passed. My depression continued to sit there but its degree had lessened. I was laughing again and on some days I did exist.
A friend of mine was struggling too. She and I used to talk on a regular basis and still do about our illnesses. Someone else who was going through the same pain as I was. This bond that formed helped me. I had to be there for her and that gave me a drive which helped in the fight. By this time, my pickaxe had drilled a hole in the darkness through which I could see a chink of light. Things were on the mend.

Then sometime in 2016's second half, something happened which brought the depression on again. I do not remember what it was however and I was asked to go to a nursing home and be kept under observation by my shrink.

We changed doctors again.

This time I was third time lucky. I was given the proper medicines, counselled properly and I was listening to what the others said instead of being lost in myself. The song Fade to Black describes the first half of 2016 correctly while the second half was more like Summer of '69. I was thinking about my past and wondering where I went wrong instead of enjoying the summer like Bryan Adams wanted me to (again Fade to Black).

I pause here and rack my memory. 2016 had ended and 2017 had begun. I'd passed my latest semester with decent grades. This acted as a booster. I am very close to the present day now. I passed my final semester exam and cleared all backlogs.

And one day, after almost two and a half years- I told my depression to take a hike.

I had to go back to people I hadn't spoken to for years and have conversations with them and apologize in some cases so that I could lay the flayed memories to rest.

My present status is this- I am a graduate with one exam pending, looking for a job and I am at peace- both mentally and physically. It has been a long struggle and a very strong battle like 
Gandalf's fight with Durin's Bane in The Fellowship of the Ring.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank each and every individual who stood by my side. I needed that faith you had in me and I am grateful to know people like you and have people like you in my life.

I may not be a lot of things, but I am Ashesh Mitra. Here I am and this is me. I am back after a long hiatus and I missed being me.

I dedicate this to anyone out there who is facing issues or struggling. Seek help. Talk. I was gone. I am back. It can be beaten. Do not give up. If you ever need to talk, send me a message on Facebook. The relevant link is in the blog widget.


Above all- Don't let the bastard win.    

Sunday, August 6, 2017

Symbiosis

Go out and meet friends
Grab a movie
Popcorn's on me
Maybe head to a cemetery
And discuss religious beliefs
Or walk down an avenue of trees
Listening to Pink Floyd
The friends you make
Are diverse
Some short, some tall
Some fair, some small
Yet with them you stand tall
Sometimes all you need
Is this symbiotic relationship
To get you through the days
When you're the statue
That the pigeon uses
For target practice
With friends in my life
I feel like Danerys
With a dragon under me
Soaring high
High into the sky
But some friendships last
And some are debris in the past
But as I walk down the winding road
I remember my friends
And am glad


The Bilge Master

Friday, August 4, 2017

Please See Me Dancing

There was once a lake
Inhabited by a black swan
She was the only one
For miles around
She used to dance n
To music in her head
No one heard this music
No one but her
But they used to come
To watch her dance
With beauty and grace
She would gyrate
Once left and once right
And young lovers
Would feel courted
By her amazing grace
Maybe you have gone to the lake
Maybe you have seen her dance
Maybe you haven't had the pleasure
So let me tell you about the way
She danced
She was agile yet slow
Graceful and not too crude
And people who watched her
Were put into a good mood
One day I hope you find
The lake I am talking about
And gaze enthralled
At the dancing black swan


The Bilge Master

Friday, July 28, 2017

Snow- A Collaboration with Antonio Staniszewski

The snow is gently coming down
I watch it through the steamed up glass
It forms a blanket on the ground
Hiding the ashes and blood
As the chilly day turns to night
And the snowfall begins to slow
I see shapes in the darkness
And hear a gendarme shouting "Go"
The moon gives off it's yellow light
And the frozen ground begins to glow
By dawn the storm has since moved on
And transformed the world I know
The bloody and barren landscape is now gone
Buried under a blanket of snow
Between the frozen lake and amid the trees
White is all I can see


The Bilge Master and Antonio Staniszewski

Friday, July 21, 2017

In Loving Memory of Chester Bennington

It was 2007 and I was thirteen years old, with gasoline in my veins and a fuse shorter than a dwarf. I was confused, angry, tired and freaking out.

Then one day, along came a band called Linkin Park. The first song I heard by them was Numb which set the stage for a healthy bromance that lasts even today. My teenage self took refuge behind the lyrics of Linkin Park.I had found a band that was singing about the things I was feeling and sometimes echoing my thoughts.

Chester Bennington and Mike Shinoda soon became my closest friends in the music world. Remember this is a teenage me I am talking about- someone who was in the middle of an identity crisis, doing badly at school and often confused. But I was never confused when listening to Chester's voice belting out Shinoda's lyrics.
Take the song Runaway which says "I wanna run away and open up my mind". That was something I literally wanted to do. Linkin Park helped me through some tough times and for that I will always be grateful.

Today I learnt that Chester Bennington had hung himself because he was suffering from depression for a while now. I was heartbroken to hear this. Chester was one of my idols growing up and to hear about that talent being snuffed out so quickly- well let's just say it isn't fair.

I joined the millions on social media who were mourning his passing and the notifications are still coming in on my phone. I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you.

Thank you from a thirteen year old kid who felt alone at times, from a sixteen year old young adult who found certain things confusing and a twenty two year old to whom your music meant the world at one point of time.

Rest in peace Chester and know this- your legacy lives on every time someone puts on Numb; and there will always be someone playing Numb.


The Bilge Master