Thought Catalog 2

Well this has been an interesting year for sure because there's been plenty of things going on. I dont wish to dwell on things past and have started to move forward, but there are some days man...there are some days. 

Then again, from being suicidal earlier in my life to finding people and things to live for is progress, right? 

I know I've not been very regular with writing because the honest truth is this year has left me too worried to write down succintly. I need a certain frame of mind to compose, which has been largely absent. 

I have however been reading quite a few books this year and getting the channel up and running has helped. The additon of poetry to the mix has worked out and I am not a bad orator it seems. My poetry videos are doing better than my stories on a good day. 

Boredom is a factor though. What with a tricky financial situation, the urge to disappear and escape has been indulged in. 

It's a quiet morning and a friend is sleeping on what used to be my old bed, now being used as a guest room. After scratching down thoughts on paper, I decided to come here and scratch thoughts out on this platform. I've been encouraged to freewheel and so I am. 

I'm gonna be missing the book club meeting today but they've given me a lot of books to read which I shall get to doing soon. 

It's not like I haven't been writing, but I think I'm in a trap in my own head where what I write feels so personal these days that I hesitate to share it on the internet and leave the secondhand stuff for the public. 

Keeping a journal could be the reason for this. Every morning (or evening) I scratch words into it. My mind becomes clearer. 

I'm also in a phase where I like what I'm thinking, but at the same time, some thoughts are bothering me. It's a weird feeling. It's like having fifty dishes on a table in front of you and realizing you like all of them but your stomach will divorce you if you have all fifty and therefore you need to select. When it comes to food this is something that is difficult for me! 

Speaking of food, I've grown more confident in the kitchen. I used basil on instinct recently and it paid off! The dish was some rice sauteed in oil with parsley and onions and a dash of soy sauce. 

My mind just went blank. I will leave you to peruse this. There is a story I finished last month which I've been tweaking and tweaking and I think I'll just put it up and be done with it next week. Hopefully.

Ciao!

The Bilge Master