Grief

Facebook greeted me with the usual “What’s on your mind?” again today. The problem is, I don’t know how to express what is troubling me. I thought I’d write it out; take the battle to a plane where I am strong. That is why I am writing these words, spreading out like a spider scuttling across this MS Word page.

We know we are all going to die someday. But what about the people left behind? What about the boy who lost his father, the girl unable to deal with the loss of her dog? Do they pick up the pieces of the broken mirror and try to glue it back? Do they sleep to forget? How do they deal with the feeling in them? Do they bottle it up and leave it in a dusty old cupboard, never to be seen again? Do they lock themselves in a room and cry it out?

I suppose everyone has their own way of dealing with it. I have tried some ways myself. I have cried. I have remembered them in loving memory, but today none of that is working. So I have turned to the comfort of a keyboard and words. Bear with me while I pour my heart out.

I won’t pretend to be okay. I am not. I still do not understand why people die. How can a living being be there yesterday, and gone tomorrow? How does one fill the void? I suppose time heals all wounds, but if that were so, why does it still hurt? I suppose these questions will remain unanswered and I am not the only one who asks them.

Writing this is helping with the feeling. I’m getting a grip. I suppose everyone has gone through this at some point in their lives. I cannot be the only one to feel this way. I also suppose that tomorrow will be a better day.

What is important is that I remember, though there is some pain in remembering the departed. But, I like to remember my grandmother teaching me maths and cooking whenever I came over. I remember my dog drooling at me as I ate a bar of chocolate. 

I am indebted to these people for the happiness they gave me. The best way to remember them is by dwelling on the good memories.

After a while, you just have to let go of your grief

The Bilge Master