We have always heard tales about happy places and we have
heard of the places where it does indeed cost something to be happy. I think it
was on Facebook that I came across an interesting argument about why money buys
happiness and if I recall correctly, it had something to do with the security
of knowing that you had something to fall back on at the far end of a lousy
day, instead of the usual coming home to a bottle of spirits to deal with the
spirits dwelling in the corners of a tired mind.
Do not miss the loneliness in these lines. Wasn’t it in the
70’s when a band sang out that people spend time making money- and money making
time?
This makes me remember the quote about how we must do what we can
in the time given to us and that other quote about how we all just get one
lifetime.
This long-winded start brings me to a song by Deep Purple
called Soldier of Fortune. I first heard it as a teen and didn’t
understand how deep the cuts it made ran. I was too hung up on Highway Star.
But things change when you approach thirty and you see certain lines in books
differently and certain song lyrics seem to be talking about your journey or
the journey of someone similar to you. While Soldier of Fortune is an
excellent love song which tries a little bit to romanticize loneliness it also
speaks of the importance of finding a happy place, a place where you are at
ease and the best friend you need to be for yourself. Sometimes nobody comes to
save us.
As I have grown older and if I were to use a mathematical
concept here, since a limit can be put on my age and it can be made to
tend to thirty (lt Aà30
being the mathematical representation of this sentence), I have found that I
have changed in a lot of ways.
I am no longer invested in violent video games. I no longer
have a dog or a mother. I have locked horns with demons which I now consider
middle-class and lame but while they were a significant factor in my life, they
had me running for my life. When you reach the point where you can plod down an
equation that states that lt Aà30,
you have to embrace these changes.
Another important change that has happened is that I have
changed my friend circles to a large extent and met a ton of people over the
course of this pandemic and renewed and rejuvenated old friendships.
Therefore, while the equation lt Aà30 is now
increasingly there in my life, I think I have lost my fear of it. Let lt Aà30, this misfit
wants to live to see it.
I am still (as Soldier of Fortune is quick to remind
me), living the life of a drifter, but an intelligent drifter, whose happy
place for the moment resides in the company of individuals spanning the globe
and certain fictional ones in varied media.
However, this happy place came at a cost. It was a price I
paid and now destiny is calling me.
So, I’ve no choice. I am opening up eager eyes, pursuing a
road that leads into unknown mores with eager feet and believing strongly that
under the rising sun a new day will dawn and under orange street lights, the
night will change and there isn’t anything to be afraid of.
And is there a Juliet? I thought you’d one day ask me this.
My answer is, what if it is a Romeo eh?
This is a poem about my paternal grandmother's younger sister. We called her Chotothakuma and she was a great storyteller with a never say die attitude. Cancer took her from us. A few weeks before she died, she called me to her room and told me that she had fought many battles in her life, but this battle was one she could not win. However she also said, with a smile on her face and a mischievous twinkle in her eye, that if Death did want her, then Death would have to catch her first.
In memory of Reba Dam, sister, aunt and grandmother.
Ever since I was a kid, music has appealed to me. I grew up in a household that encouraged me to listen to music and guided me along the path. This post is a photoblog about the band HitchHykers and their gig at Someplace Else.
I was excited about this gig and I was also feeling anxious earlier this week about not getting a job and I needed an evening to reconnect with my musical side. So I grabbed a friend and headed over to Someplace Else to watch Apu's band though it was Bukka who invited me.
For a few wonder filled hours, my troubles melted away as the HitchHykers belted out covers of The Rolling Stones, Black Sabbath and of course Crossroads by Cream. They even played Chain of Fools by Aretha Franklin, not to mention Come Together by The Beatles
The evening was well spent in the pub, with good people. My troubled mind found solace. My anxiety receded and music wafted over me like a balm
Well this has been an interesting year for sure because there's been plenty of things going on. I dont wish to dwell on things past and have started to move forward, but there are some days man...there are some days.
Then again, from being suicidal earlier in my life to finding people and things to live for is progress, right?
I know I've not been very regular with writing because the honest truth is this year has left me too worried to write down succintly. I need a certain frame of mind to compose, which has been largely absent.
I have however been reading quite a few books this year and getting the channel up and running has helped. The additon of poetry to the mix has worked out and I am not a bad orator it seems. My poetry videos are doing better than my stories on a good day.
Boredom is a factor though. What with a tricky financial situation, the urge to disappear and escape has been indulged in.
It's a quiet morning and a friend is sleeping on what used to be my old bed, now being used as a guest room. After scratching down thoughts on paper, I decided to come here and scratch thoughts out on this platform. I've been encouraged to freewheel and so I am.
I'm gonna be missing the book club meeting today but they've given me a lot of books to read which I shall get to doing soon.
It's not like I haven't been writing, but I think I'm in a trap in my own head where what I write feels so personal these days that I hesitate to share it on the internet and leave the secondhand stuff for the public.
Keeping a journal could be the reason for this. Every morning (or evening) I scratch words into it. My mind becomes clearer.
I'm also in a phase where I like what I'm thinking, but at the same time, some thoughts are bothering me. It's a weird feeling. It's like having fifty dishes on a table in front of you and realizing you like all of them but your stomach will divorce you if you have all fifty and therefore you need to select. When it comes to food this is something that is difficult for me!
Speaking of food, I've grown more confident in the kitchen. I used basil on instinct recently and it paid off! The dish was some rice sauteed in oil with parsley and onions and a dash of soy sauce.
My mind just went blank. I will leave you to peruse this. There is a story I finished last month which I've been tweaking and tweaking and I think I'll just put it up and be done with it next week. Hopefully.
I bring to you a poetry reading session featuring Walt Whitman. I have read out from the book Leaves of Grass. I shall be revisiting this book sometime in the near future because picking just four poems was hard!
